when you feel alone and work is overwhelming just remember that you’re a part of someone’s best memories. no dialogue just your presence, in exploring somewhere new, a reassuring smile and support you gave, or in lots of laughter and sun. it helps the days feel worth more, even if today felt like it didn’t count, it did. you exist in so many ways you can’t measure.
Adult realization: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just to people, grow and learn.
i was talking to a guy and it ended in a couple of weeks. i really thought we could’ve been something, he came off so strong. i thought i’d finally have a boyfriend and be happy. i was wrong lol. he was overly critical and took some small actions and blew them out of proportion. i guess i’m happy i avoided being in this relationship bc i wouldn’t be happy being super cautious of my actions just to please him. it just sucks bc i felt so happy when i was around him. i was constantly laughing and i felt so loving and comfortable around him. i could really tell he felt the same way. it was nice while it lasted, but i wish it never happened. it feels like my time’s wasted. i really thought after all the boy troubles i’ve been through, he’d finally be the one to change things up. oh well. i guess i’m relieved by avoiding this unhappy relationship but i’m also kinda sad. i can tell i’m gonna fall deeper into my depression these next few days. idk i just feel so useless and that everything i do is wrong. i wish the next guy i’ll talk to will make me happy too, i wish he’d be okay with my flaws and accept me for who i am. i just wanna be happy. i deserve love, i deserve happiness, i deserve a good guy lol. :(
last year, i forced myself to be part of things i wasn’t meant to be in. in a way, i was trying to find myself and equated my accomplishments to happiness. i struggled and fell deeper into depression. i tried all sorts of clubs and positions that i thought would level myself up, but i kept on failing. my experiences led me to this mindset that i failed in whatever i put myself into, and it did happen. i was already setting myself up for failure and i’m pretty sure that’s why things kept fucking up for me (at least i hope so).
i hope this year would be different. i hope i find happiness instead of forcing it. i hope i find where i’m meant to be. i hope i get more accomplishments and receive greater satisfaction.
I hate glamorizing over-working. It’s not healthy. The fact that there are so many people going without sleep, food, personal hygiene (not to mention time for relaxation, personal time, and socialization, which are very necessary for mental health) just to stay afloat is not something to be celebrated or applauded. It’s a problem, not a goal that all good employees should aspire to, or a norm everyone should be expected to perform.
